Hello, My name is Kristin…

Hello, My name is Kristin and I’m a planner. This isn’t the first time I have admitted this. I admit this often and most times very proudly. Why? Because I get things done. No one has to wait for me. No one has to check in to make sure. Things are taken care of if you put it in my hands. This makes me a happier person because then I don’t have to worry that this and that aren’t done because I know it’s been done. People who aren’t planners make me anxious. I am married to a non-planner and have many friends that are non-planners. I love them to death but their “we can wait till the last minute” attitude makes me a crazy person sometimes. Because of this, many things get handed over to me or, let’s just be honest, I take over to make sure it gets done. But I have learned to let go sometimes and let others do things and quietly (anxiously) sit there and wait. For example, I never let my gas tank go below ¼ tank. I was on a road trip with friends and sitting in the backseat I could see that we were well below the ¼ tank mark. I chose to sit there quietly knowing that we weren’t in the middle of nowhere and close to home. As we pulled into the gas station (finally!), I let out sigh of relief and my friend (sarcastically) asked me if I had my husband on speed dial for in the rare instance we were going to be run out…And yes I did…

I’m also really good at planning out my life. But there are too many times to count that those plans never came to pass and most often they were turned completely upside down. There is that famous Woody Allen quote…“If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.” I‘m pretty sure God sees me as a comedian with all the planning I like to do. I always tell God that its ok that I do this because I don’t want to be scrambling to get things in order at the last minute whether it be a big life changing thing or planning what I am going to be doing this weekend. Scrambling at the last minute stresses me out plus what I want or think is best may not be available and I’m having to search for a substitution. But God has been teaching me how I probably shouldn’t be doing this. Mostly by closing doors or opening another one. I feel like sometimes He is just messing with me. But lately I have been just saying, “Ok God, I get it. I’m letting go, going to wait on you, and trust that you will take care of it until I need to do my part.” I’ll admit, most of the time I surrender due to becoming so frustrated that I’m ready to just wipe my hands of everything. Frustrated that I spent all this time getting things in order just to have God to shut a door or make me turn a corner instead. I know in my head he is teaching my but it’s hard sometimes to get my heart to believe that.

What it comes down to is…I’m a worrier. Saying I’m a planner sounds so much more sophisticated and not like I have a problem. I try hard not to worry and use my planning to help ease this tension. But I know I shouldn’t be using it to cover up the real problem and I know God is teaching me how to slowly rid this from my system.
By letting go and letting God, I do feel freedom. By not obsessing over things and planning them out, I don’t get disappointed when God turns me in another direction. (Side note…Hello, My name is Kristin and I’m a pessimist. But that story is for another time.) In a very minor example, a few weekends ago we went out of town for our 1 year anniversary. Normally I would have planned every single restaurant and activity that we would do. Instead I was like we can just figure it out as we go. And we had an amazing time flying by the seat of our pants.

So hello…again…My name is Kristin and I’m a recovering worrier.
The sweetness in admitting is God also displaying his super natural loving awesomeness to you when you need it most. I had been contemplating a major life decision recently. I wasn’t sure if it was me just wanting a change of scenery or if it really was God leading me onto a new path. I was, of course, worrying about this and the steps I would need to take and if I would be even able to accomplish this. I have had little mini confirmations throughout my pondering on this but was still worrying if this was truly was God’s will for my life. While I was in church one Sunday, my husband received at text and showed me. It was completely a confirmation and just what I needed to hear about it. I quietly thanked God for his crazy ways in which he speaks to me and helps me with my struggles. And just yesterday, I was worrying about something else (shocking…I know!). I had a dream last night and it was pretty funny and bit strange like most dreams are. As I’m telling my husband about it, I realize God used that dream to tell me, yet again, to stop worrying. He reminded me that he is in control and knows what’s best.

So what are you recovering from? Are you ready to admit it openly and honestly to God and possible someone else that you trust? Do it today and the find the freedom He wants you to have!